ADULT
SMS MESSAGES
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A man wanted 2 get
married!He had a choice of 3 women!1st woz a rich
docter,2nd woz a poor cleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO
DID HE PICK?The 1 wid big tits! |
Today its cool to have small
cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a
small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!! |
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I only have SEX on days that
begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today.
Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Every thucking day! |
23 useless parts on a mans
body.20 nails u cant hammer.2 balls u cant throw &1 cock
that cant "crow".dont laff ladies??UR PUSSY CANT CATCH
MICE |
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T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u
that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We
regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even
a network |
Why do women have orgasms
during sex???It gives them something to moan about even
when they are fuc***g enjoyin themselves. |
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Do you like maths?if so add
a bed subtract ur clothes divide your legs and we can
multiply! |
(_!_)An Ass (__!__)Fat Ass
(!)Tight Ass (_?_)Dumb Ass (_*_)Sore Ass (_zzz_)Tired Ass
(_E=mc2_)Smart Ass (_x_)Kiss my Ass!! |
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HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN:
caress excite cuddle fascinate spoil kiss rub tease pamper
console worship respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN: blow
job |
Old mother Hubbard went 2 d
cupboard 2 fetch d poor dog a bone. but when she bent over
Rover took over & gave her a bone of his own! |
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like your style- I like your
class- but most of all i like your Ass! |
Latest porn releases:shaving
private ryan.position impossible.as big as it gets.forest
hump.riding miss daisy.starwhores and pornocchio |
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Why is Sex a 3 letter word?
Its easier to spell than... OH MY GOD YES NO OS SHIT YES
DEEPER- YES GOD NO PLEASE NO SHIT YES OH SHIT FU*KN O YES
YES YES SHIT OH. |
I want triplets You want
twins.Lets get in bed and see who wins! |
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A teacher ask"wot part of
the body goes to heaven first?"A child replies"feet- coz
every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin
GOD I'M COMIN! |
A girl who opens her hands
recieves gifts.who opens her heart recives love.who opens
her legs recieves happines |
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if u were a drum id bang
u.if u were a pig id pork u.if u were a flower id root
u.if u were a nail id screw u.but cos ur a sweetie ill
make love 2 u! |
I want to suck you... I want
to lick you... I wanna move my tongue all over you... I
want to feel you in my mouth... that's how u... eat an ice
cream... |
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1 day there was tis naked
man N elephant, da elephant looks at the naked man 4 a few
seconds, then ask da naked man, 'HOW CAN U BREATH THRU
THAT LITTLE THING?' |
Why do men pass gas more
than women? Because women won't shut up long enough to
build up pressure. |
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A cat and a rooster sat by a
lake, the cat fell in the lake, the rooster laughed!
LESSON: when theres a wet pussy, there's a happy cock! |
Sex is like pizza. When its
good, its VERY GOOD. When its bad, its Still pretty good |
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There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex,
Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for
people with your face ...NO SEX ! |
Sex is a sensation caused by
temptation when a man puts his location in a woman's
destination. Do u get my explanation, or do u need a
demonstration?! |
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SEX is My Fav. I Do it
regularly. Do it & Feel Gd! U'll enjoy it! I'll Die w/out
SEX, S-Sleep, E-Eat, X-xercise, So do it everiday, gd for
u. |
Son on his honeymoon phoned
his mom asking what 2 do. MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her
hairiest thng. SON:got my nose in her armpit. Now what? |
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A husband was asked: Do u
talk to your wife after sex? His answer: Depends, if I can
find a phone. |
Who is stronger, Man Or
Woman? A: A woman bcoz she lifts 2 mountains on her chest
while a man lifts 2 stones with the help of a crane. |
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Man says to his wife: Let me
take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at
them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will
have it enlarged. |
When I was born I got the
choice, or a major dick, or a fine memory. I am not able
to remember what I did choose. |
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A guy walks up to a girl and
says: Wanna play *Magic*? She says: What's that? .....He
says: We go to my place, have sex and than you dissappear..... |
American students
say:.....people who never experience good sex and do not
perform well in bed, usually read their SMS messages with
their right hand. |
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American students
say:.....people who never experience good sex and do not
perform well in bed, usually read their SMS messages with
their right hand. |
Its been a rough day. I got
up this morning, put on a shirt N a button fell off. I
picked up my briefcase N the handle came off. I'm afraid 2
go 2 the bathroom. |
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I do not have the muscles of
Stallone, I am not as handsome as Brad Pitt, I am not as
strong as Schwarzenegger, but I can lick as good as
Lassie!!! |
GUY: If I could see you
naked, I'd die happy. GAL: If I see you naked, I'd
probably die laughing. |
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A man was looking at a
painting 4 a long time of a naked woman with leaves
covering the body, he was asked what he was doing & he
answered - waitng 4 autumn |
hereby place u under arrest
4 violating code 69 - distracting public with ur xtreme
good looks &sex appeal.remain silent & report 2 my bedroom |
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I once had a ONE-2-ONE night
with a VIRGIN.She teased me till i got an ERICKSON.sucked
me till my face went ORANGE till i busted my load of
SEIMEN over her NOKIAS. |
Hello!Im a little alien
called Kan.I have taken the form of a mobile phone- your
phone.And during this message I have been having sex with
your thumb! |
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Are these your eyes, I found
them between my breasts! |
If your right leg was
thanksgiving and Your left leg was Christmas could I meet
U between the holidays? |
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Of all the babes ur my
selection please dont giv me a rejection.my teeth are
clean for ur Inspection so giv my mouth a tongue
injection! |
Roses are red.voilets are
corny.when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!! |
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Sex is evil and evil's a
sin.but sins are forgiven so lets get stuck in!! |
Jack & Jill went up da hill
2 have a little fun.But stupid Jill forgot da pill and now
they have a son |
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Peter Peter Pumpkin
eater.had a wife & liked to beat her.smacked her twice
around da head. F**ked her arse & went 2 bed |
A man said 2 his doctor 'everytime
I look in the mirror I get an erection' the doctor said
'That's because u look like a cunt! |
If your right leg was
thanksgiving and Your left leg was Christmas could I meet
U between the holidays?
Submitted By Unknown |
Ek Ladka Ladki ... aha !!Raat
Ke Andhere me ... aha !!Jhaadi ke piche ... aha !!Daba
Daba ke ... aha !!Chus Chus ke ... aha !!FROOTI pe rahe
the ... aha !! ;-)) |
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Voices by different
countries women during sex...USA : Yeah.....Yeah....UK :
C'mon baby.....India: Uyi Maa...Pak : Bhai Jaan....Dhirese..Ammi
Jag Jyegi... |
Zandu Balm,Zandu Balm,Gote
karde Jam,Lund ki Khujli Dur Kare,Chut ko De Aaram,Zandu
Balm, Zandu Balm.. |
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Miranda Condom: Zor ka
Jhatka Dhire Se LageMRF Condom: Extra Rubber Extra
MilageMOOV Condom: Aah se Aaha TakIODEX Condom: Andar Tak
Jaye Aaram Dilaye |
Miya aur bibi me bhayanak
jhagda ho gaya.Miya gusse se titmilata hua chillaya- gaand
maar doonga!!!Bibi boli:"Aage ki to sochte nahin, bus
peeche pade rehte ho.." |
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Once a elephant asked a
camel:"Why do u have boobs on ur back?"Camel
replied:"thats a fucking good question from someone with a
dick on his face." |
Laloo bada chalak hai, 9
bacho ka baap hai,loloo bada nirala hai,Daswe aanewala
hai,ye andar ki baat hai, isme atal ka haath hai.... |
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Difference between a hen and
prostitute? Hen: Cock-a-doodle do. Pros: Any cock will do. |
GIRL: Doc, my boobs are hard
& aching. DOC: Let me see (feels them & makes
faces) GIRL: DOC! Is it bad?!! DOC: Not only bad- it's
contagious! My dick s hard & Aching! |
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Q. Why do orgasms exist? A.
Because, otherwise people wouldn't know when to stop
fucking each other!! |
Woman complaining to
dentist: "I'd rather get pregnant than have a tooth
filled!" Dentist: Decide so I can adjust the chair
accordingly..! |
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Why women love gold more
than men? Because gold has 24 carrot whereas man has only
one carrot. |
A priest saw a girl removing
her blouse. The priest prayed: God, please close my eyes.
When he opened his eyes, the girl was naked This time he
prayed God please close your eyes. |
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AGE OF BOOBS: 14 to 16
LEMON, 17 to 22 ORANGE 23 to 28 MANGO, 29 to 40 TENDER
COCONUT, 41 to 55 USED PILLOW, 56 to 65 AIR REMOVED
BALLOON. |
3 Sardar were stroking there
cock very fast n hard in restaurant. waitress: What the
hell r u doin? Sardar:V r hungry & the menu says
"FIRST CUM FIRST SERVE". |
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Newton's 3 laws. 1.Every man
has a pole, woman has a hole 2.When pole enters hole, it
produces a new soul 3.When hand in motion, it produces
lotion. |
Priest lost his COCK, asked
during mass: Any1 got a cock? All men stood up. I mean
anyone seen a cock? All women stood up. I meant any1 seen
my cock? All nuns stood up. |
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What do u get when u have
sex with a judge, banker & architect? Judge-
Honourable discharge. Banker- Premature withdrawal.
Architect- Illegal erection |
The 'F' rule:- Find her...,
Friend her..., Flirt her..., Finger her..., Fuck her...,
Forget her. |
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Doctor says: A penis is the
greatit has a mushroom head, a hotdog, 2 eggs and cream
which provides all the nutrients 2 make women healthyest
breakfast because |
Woman's prayer: Oh holy man,
lay down with me on a holy bed, let your holy pole enter
my holy hole so that your holy water can produce a holy
soul...aaahhh. |
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What is the difference
between secretary &private secretary? Ans: secretary says
GOOD MORNING SIR & private secretary says ITS MORNING
SIR. |
Love is not measured by
hugging, kissing & sex, love is respect and trust,
accepting person with open legs and closed eyes, wet lips
saying "push it more.." |
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Whats the difference btween
a microwave oven and a woman? A microwave oven doesn't
scream when u put a piece of meat in it. |
A Girl asks her lover, will
you love me like this after marriage also? Boy: Yes, only
if your husband does not have any problem. |
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What is the height of safe
SEX?....... person Masturbating with CONDOM on. |
Why do women have their
breast on top? Because if they had it down, the 'PUSSY'
would drink all the milk ! |
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Guy says: Remember the 1st
time I used alcohol as a substitute for girl. Wat happen?
Asked his friend. Guy: Well, I got my penis stuck in the
neck of the bottle. |
5 road signs which best
describe female organs 1.deep excavation 2. Slippery when
wet 3. Stop on red signal 4. Slow down curves and hump 5.
Men at work |
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A guy walks up to a sexy
babe n asks her if she would like to take part in a magic
trick. She said OK. He says lets go to my place we fuck
and then I disappear. |
Nipple Nipple dont be far,
can I Press u in my car. Up above the chest so high,
always milky never dry. Let me suck u don't feel shy, in
the braziers u will die |
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Man walked into ladies
toilet. Lady who was inside shouted 'THIS IS EXCLUSIVELY
FOR WOMEN'. The man, unzipping his pants said, 'THIS TOO'! |
Mobile is the only thing
that a man proudly says - Mine is smaller than yours! |
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I Tried Phone Sex Once, But
The Holes Were Too Small. |
Q: Why is the waist called a
waist? A: Because anything below the tits & above the
pussy is a "waste"! |
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A woman gave birth to 6
babies, on seeing this she got off the hospital bed and
slapped her husband and shouted, "I told u not to do in
doggy style." |
Girl says: Mom, our
neighbor's son have penis like peanut. Mom: Is it too
small? Girl: No, its salty!! |
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Dear lady subscribers: due
to a fault in magnetic field and signals of our service
your handsets will vibrate for one hour So keep it in your
pussy & enjoy! *Customer Care* |
an arab was being
interviewed at a
US
checkpoint.you name pls. " abdul aziz "sex? " six times a
week!! "no, no, I mean male or female! "doesn't matters,
sometimes even camel!!! " |
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what makes a happy
man?daughter on the cover of cosmo.son on the cover of
sports illustratedmistress on the cover of playboyand ....
wife on the cover of " missing persons " |
teacher: what do you
want to become?li'l Johnny: doctor !!teacher: why?lj:
coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to
take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it |
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old lady, 85, a virgin,
about to die. wanted her tombstone to read BORN A VIRGIN,
LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN. the engraver shortened it
to " RETURNED UNOPENED " |
a kid asked the priest "
father, what is your pastime? "the priest tapped the kid '
s shoulder and replied "Nun, my child, nun " |
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75 yr old man got married to
a 15 yr girl.on their first night both were crying.
why???coz she didn ' t know anything, and he had forgotten
everything |
Touch it gently.. Put
ur finger inside.. If
hole is big put three fingers..Rub it up & down gently
.......... that's the right way ofwashing the glass!!!!! |
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Boy: "Pura andar
gaya
?" Madam: "Haan
gaya
." Boy: "Dard hua kya?" Madam: "Bahut hua" Boy: "Chalo
doosra sandal try kartay hai madam!" |
A man inserted an 'ad' in
the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a
hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can
have mine." |
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Difference b/w panties of
1970 & 2000 :- In the 70's you had to pull down panties to
see the buttocks,In 2000, you have to seperate the
buttocks to see the panties. |
What is the difference
between a Cricketer and a Condom?Cricketer drops the
catch, and a Condom catchs the drops. |
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Did you know that Condoms
have serial nos?It's on the rim.....U dont know
that...?It's okay...It's probably becoz you dont roll them
that far anyway.... |
Why are women known as the
best architects?Coz theyare the only one who can demolish
an erection without damaging the structure... |
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Q.Why does the pleasure of
Sex diminish after marriage?A: Because the realisation
hits u that u are in bed with a relative. |
What do u call a dead drunk
Parsi? BEJAAN DARUWALAWhat do u call a parsi pimp? NAARI
CONTRACTORWhat is a parsi test tube baby known as?
BATLIBOI |
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Husband ask,"Do u know
meaning of WIFE - Without Information Fighting Everytime!!!"Wife
replies,"It means - With Idiot For Ever!!! |
Son to Dad-Daddy, does a
heart have legs? Dad-of course not! Son-don’t lie, I heard
u saying ”sweet heart..spread
ur
legs!” |
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Boy:why grls like more holi
than boys? Another boy: bcos they have two balloons of 5ml
and bolys have only one pichkari of 2ml. |
Pak wkt Keeper Moin got
married.His wife was asked by media how moin was on bed?
She said he stood behind bed and said AUR TEZ DALO WASIM
BHAI. |
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Woman: Teach me how to play
tennis. Coach:Sure,hold the racket the way u hold
ur lovers organ.Woman: ok
Coach:Madam pls,take the racket out of
ur
mouth.. |
REPUBLIC DAY ANNOUNCEMENT by
Malika Sherawat: Kar chale hum judaa vastra k Tan se
saathio,ab tumhare hawale badan saathiio |
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Nurse gave the newborn baby
to d Sardar. Sardar screamed,”Puttar hua, Puttar Hua! Then
Nurse said,abbey Gadhe meri ungli chod ladki hui hai!! |
6 beautiful girls went to
swim in a swimming pool but suddenly all the water
disappeared.How? NAYA whisper ab Pehele se bhi jyada
gilapan sokhe. |
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On 1st night husband said 2
his wife:look darling b4 marriage I had slept with 10
girls, wife replied:Kindli mili hai to guun to milega hi. |
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